Today is the Day

Today is the day.  The day I must conquer my fear and pick up a rolling pin.  That's right, baking day!  It's a very serious matter, and I am quite intimidated.  I promised my girl a layered fondant covered cake.  She doesn't want just a plain straight up and down cake, she wants it "wedding style!"  I agreed.  I'm not sure what was running thru my mind at that time besides that I wanted to make her happy.  The thing is her birthday party is tomorrow night.  She just turned ten so I let her invite 10 people.  The cake I am making I swear could feed 150!  The bottom tier is 12!  That's 2 twelve" cakes, followed by 2 9" cakes followed by 2 6" cakes!  I have so far made 3 cake mixes worth of cake and I am not done.  I will have to start another one after we go to her talent show!  Today I bought 2 lbs of butter and 2 2 lb bags of powdered sugar just for the buttercream!  I hope I have enough....So today I am baking and the smell of chocolate is wafting thru my house.  I'm a little dizzy from the sugar high off of the aroma alone!  Wish me luck people.

Just thought I would come and add a few pics of the finished cake.  It was a lot of work, but she was really happy with it, so thats all that matters.  I will share one thing I learned...it's not as easy at it looks on tv!!!!

My Choice

Wow, has it been 10 years?  At this time 10 years ago I was in labor with my girl Meg.  Every year on her birthday I think back to how scared I was, the choice I made and how glad I am that I did.  Those who really know me, know the story.  But for those that don't know me quite so well, its a story I can tell again.  In my late teens early 20s I had some problems involving my heart.  The cardiologist that diagnosed me told me I would never have kids.  He felt that my heart wasn't strong enough to live thru pregnancy, labor, etc.  At that time I was young and excepted that.  I hadn't been with Joel very long, but I knew that having a family someday was really important to him.  I thought it was only fair to him to break up.  He disagreed and I am so glad that he did.  We got married knowing that we would never have kids.  Just me and him.  Imagine my surprise when I found out I was pregnant, I was on birth control.  I guess 99% effective, really isn't 100%!  I immediately went to see my cardiologist and he told me again that having a child was not a good idea for me and that I should end the pregnancy.  End it, can you imagine?  So casually he wanted me to end the life that had already begun in me.  I was scared, but there was no  question in my mind that that was not going to happen.  I didn't plan this, but it wasn't my child's fault.  With help from my OB I found a new cardiologist who was willing to work me thru it.  It was very scary.  Most pregnancies are filled with excitement and happiness, mine was not.  I was scared to death every day that I would never see my baby grow up.  But, here I am 10 years later.  I have the most amazing kid on the planet!  She is so much smarter than I ever was.  She is beautiful in every way.  I thank God today for her life and my own.  Some days I forget what I went thru to have her, I forget what a gift she is when homework isn't being done or her room is a mess, so caught up in the mundane details of everyday life.  That's the great thing about birthdays though, they help us remember.  So here is to my girl Meghan Elizabeth, the greatest kid ever!

Big Decision

So sometimes my life feels out of control.  How did I get here?  Yesterday was one of those days.  I forgot to ask off for my daughter's talent show, so after dropping off my son at school, I went to work to see if it was too late to add that date to my schedule so I would be off.  Meanwhile, my phone is blowing up...I'm trying to ignore it.  I pick up a few things for a project and came home.  I checked my messages from the calls I was ignoring...my mom...yelling at me for not answering the phone. I call her back...she doesn't answer!  I picked up my daughter's keyboard and took it to school for talent show rehearsal.  I stayed and ate lunch with her and then things got a little more crazy.  My daughter has a problem...its called a Bully.  She was there...in the lunch room..bullying.  I confront her teacher about said bullying, I am told its just girl drama, no big thing.  What I just saw, was a BIG THING.  BULLYING is a BIG thing.  Don't try to lessen it by calling it girl drama!  I'm making no headway with the teacher, but I have another kid to tend to so I have to leave things unresolved, not happy.  On my way out of the school to tend to my other kid I get stopped.  Now, due to the issues with my big decision, I have to be vague for now...I may revisit this topic later.  Lets just say I don't appreciate being told that I should reevaluate "my career" to do whats best for my family by someone who is not even a friend.  They obviously don't know me at all since they used the word "career."  I don't have a career, I have a job.  I like my job, it pays the bills it needs to and I get a discount!  Who wouldn't want that, a discount at a scrapbook store?  Scrapbooking is a huge part of my life, its my thing.   Its what I do to relax, besides the fact that when I'm old and gray and can't remember anything, I have these books to remind me of what my life is!  But, I digress.  I leave the school angry, but I don't have time for that...I'm late for my other kid.  I get there just within the time frame before you have to start paying $5 a minute, thank goodness!  I make it home, make lunch for my kid, I walk into the laundry room to get things moving and I lose it.  I see the piles, more like mountains and I lose it.  I cried, and I cried and then I cried some more.  Some kid is bullying my daughter and I can't seem to stop it, and some other mom is bullying me and I can't seem to stop it.  I have laundry like there is no tomorrow and there aren't enough hours in the day to get my to-do list done.  I called my friend to cry some more and have a sympathetic ear, and then the decision is made.  I thought I would feel regret or horrible for the way my decision is going to affect my daughter, but I don't.  I feel relieved.  Did my bully win?  Maybe, but I cut her out of my life with my decision.  I stopped it.  For 5 years this mom has been pushing me around and using me, I have stood and taken it for the sake of our daughters.  But, now I'm not going to stand and take it anymore.  My daughter will be better off for having a less stressed mom. Sometimes the best thing we can do is walk away.  I took care of my bully, now how am I going to get rid of my daughters?  Suggestions welcome!

The Ugly Truth

If I were a kid, a teenager I would describe tonight as an Epic Fail, but I am not a teenager, so I am just going to say that tonight sucked.  I totally screwed up.  It wasn't pretty, I'll admit it.  It was every shade of bad you can imagine.  All she ( I say she, because I am not sure I want all of the great wide Internet and beyond to know details about my kids, although I may change my stance on that later)  wanted to do was write a report for some extra credit. She wants to make sure to keep her all A average, although I am pretty sure she is in no danger of losing it.  However, her report has turned into a bit of a book.  Mind you that she is in 4th grade and doing a biography on Walt Disney out of her own free will. So far this report is 3 pages typed and she hasn't even hit his adulthood or his career yet. She is still talking about his childhood.  Why this bothered me so much, I don't know.  Maybe I wanted to be upset about something. Maybe I was looking to pick a fight.  I'm still not sure why it bothered me so much.  I suggested that she trim it down, take out some details.  She was very defensive, it made me mad.  Like I said, it was an epic fail kind of night.  It all ended in yelling and tears on both sides.  What was a very cool thing my kid was doing on her own turned into something awful.  I made it awful.  Why?  I wish I knew.  But, that's why I am here, that's why I'm blogging.  Sometimes in writing or in my case typing out how things happened, you gain clarity.  In this case I have gained none.  Other than I failed.  I let my kid think her work wasn't good enough, when in fact it was too good.  Sometimes I forget her age, I wonder why she didn't do something or why she did, she should know better.  The truth is she shouldn't know better.  She hasn't learned that yet.  Its my job to teach her, but all I taught her tonight was it is okay to take out your frustrations on the ones you love.  I will say that we talked at length and I told her how sorry I was, and I am, but its out there.  I can't erase her memory of tonight or her hurt feelings with I'm sorry, mommy messed up.   As much as I want to, and that is the real ugly truth.

I've Always Wanted a Blog

So I've always wanted a blog, to write witty and smart things that someone out there in the universe would find important or unexpected or useful.  But then I thought better and decided with my spelling, I better not.  Yet here I am starting a blog anyway.  I'm an average person living a pretty normal suburban life.  Recently my husband and I have started making changes in how we run our lives and I'm finding it....challenging.  So I've decided to blog about it.  The ups and downs of a normal life: living within our means and paying off debt, my daily struggle with food, along with great recipes I find that even my very picky son will eat, what crafty endeavor I'm on, what products I'm in love with or hate, anything Disney, my views on spirituality or even politics.  I'm hoping that blogging will free the me trapped under the name of Mommy.  It's amazing how things change and how you can lose yourself with that little name.  Not that that is a bad thing, but as my kids get older...I want to make sure there is still a me.  So hello world, welcome to my journey...my 812 miles to scrap!